Ladies and Gentlemen…Tyson Chandler!

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Fresh Off Their Most Promising Season Ever, The Bobcats Dump Salary!

Ladies and Gentlemen...Tyson Chandler!

See, it’s just like the Florida Marlins.  They stock up and win a World Series and then immediately dump payroll and start developing younger players for another run within the next decade. Except with the Bobcats, they win 35 games and dump salaries.  It’s almost identical.

Although my first response to the trade last night was overwhelmingly negative, I’ll try to channel my inner FOX NEWS and be “fair and balanced” in the following breakdown of the trade.

THE BAD NEWS FIRST

Put on Radiohead’s Hail to the Thief, dress in all-black, sneak a bourbon-filled flask into work and burn another Bob Johnson effigy…admit it, Bobcats fans, we’ve just wasted the past 5 years of our lives.

  1. After the most promising season in franchise history, the Bobcats pull a salary dump; sending a consistently productive player to our former home team for an injured lesser player with a smaller contract.
  2. This move basically states that George Shinn is more willing to spend on a winner than Bob Johnson.
  3. We ran Shinn out of town because he was cheap.  What kind of b.s. karma is this?

  4. Emeka Okafor has averaged a double-double in every one of his 5 NBA seasons.  Tyson Chandler has done it once…while playing with the second coming of Isiah Thomas (the player).  In other news, Michael Jordan has become the second coming of Isiah Thomas (the GM).
  5. The Bobcats were one of the bottom 5 teams in almost EVERY offensive category last season.  They replace a career 14ppg scorer with a guy who averages 8.2ppg.  Make it stop, please, make it stop.
  6. After an early bout with injuries, Emeka Okafor translates his practice of pilates and yoga (ala Kareem) into two consecutive seasons of 82 games.
  7. In 8 NBA seasons, Tyson Chandler has never played in all 82 games.

  8. Tyson Chandler is being lauded as defensive upgrade over Emeka Okafor.  An undisputed key defensive ability is shot blocking.  Okafor has a career average of 1.9bpg.  Chandler?  1.4bpg.
  9. Bobcats fans have ripped Okafor for being offensively offensive.  Wait till they get a load of Tyson Chandler (I’ll give you a preview…  Imagine Dwight Howard’s offensive game.  Got it?  Now take away 3 or 4 of his “moves.”  That’s right…)
  10. The OKC Thunder decided just a few months ago that Tyson Chandler wasn’t worth two stiffs that wouldn’t even be on their roster next season.  Now all of a sudden he’s worth a former Rookie of the Year.
  11. The same doctor who performed Tyson Chandler’s turf toe (or “death toe”) surgery two years ago deemed the toe to be a serious physical liability which rescinded his trade to the Thunder.
  12. Since the Bobcats are too broke to field a summer league team, conduct a proper training camp or retain proper organizational staff, they’ve arranged for Tyson’s physical to be conducted at the nearest Urgent Care facility.  He should pass with flying colors.
  13. Just to reiterate, Tyson Chandler couldn’t consistently average a double-double while playing with Chris-freakin’-Paul on a fast paced team like the Hornets.  What exactly is he going to do on a grind-it-out squad like the Bobcats?

THE GOOD NEWS LAST

H-H-Hey Kids!  Grab some Limbaugh-Strength Oxycotins everyone and put on your favorite rose-colored glasses, it’s time to take a positive look at this trade!!!

  1. Tyson Chandler is 7’1″.  Okafor is 6’10”.  We have a taller starting center for 60 games a year!
  2. Tyson Chandler likes to dunk the ball…well, actually, that’s his only shot but he does it with AUTHORITY!
  3. That yoga sissy Okafor would never just dunk on somebody.  Must’ve been all that soy estrogen in his system.

  4. Tyson Chandler’s contract expires in 2 Years!!!  Which means we can use that cap space to overpay some other seven footer in 2011…FANtastic!
  5. Tyson Chandler has played in meaningful playoff games.  Emeka Okafor will be playing in meaningful playoff games.
  6. Tyson Chandler is more “passionate” about basketball than Emeka Okafor.  This is apparently Larry Brown’s reasoning for making the trade.  This sets a great precedent, doesn’t it?  My brother just had PCL surgery.  Even though his doctor was consistent and skilled, maybe my bro would’ve been better off with a less talented, less dependable but more “PASSIONATE” surgeon?  By this rationale, Antonio Banderas is also the greatest living actor.

Let’s all be honest.  There is only one real benefit to this trade for Bobcats fans and that’s the fact that it makes the team look more attractive on the open market for a new buyer.  The sooner that Bob Johnson sells this team, the sooner we all get to potentially see a quality organization and Playoff basketball.

And I’m not hating on Tyson Chandler.  I really do hope that he comes in, stays healthy and improves the team.  I hope that I am dead wrong and that this deal plays out similarly to the Larry Johnson/Anthony Mason trade during the Summer of ’96.  Mason came in and put up the best numbers of his career and helped lead the Charlotte Hornets to a then franchise high 54 wins.
Realistically?  I doubt it.
After this move, Coach Brown might have to trade for some new fans.  The current ones just aren’t going to be very “passionate” about the team anymore.

-ASChin



POLL : The Okafor – Chandler Trade

  • Fair Deal For Both Teams (23%, 13 Votes)
  • Bobcats Blew This One (57%, 32 Votes)
  • Hornets Will Miss Chandler (20%, 11 Votes)

Total Voters: 56

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